Abstract
<jats:title>Abstract</jats:title> <jats:p>This chapter provides a solution to the puzzle of friendship by arguing for a constitutive understanding that transcends the rampant instrumentalism. Although some friendships are adequately understood in utility terms, many close relationships are not structured by exchange. The communal orientation to relationships and shared identity clarify this because researchers have documented non-exchange relationships. This suggests that many friendships have a constitutive form, which cannot be explained instrumentally. The instrumentalist view is insufficient because it portrays the friend and the relationship as disposable means to an actor’s ends. In contrast, good friendships are experienced as irreplaceable, and the loss of a friend is deeply painful and damaging. In a constitutive friendship, the friend and the relationship have inherent value. The friendship is constituted by activities such as spending time together, conversing, and mutual caring. Then, an argument is made for the evolution of constitutive friendships due to the value of commitment.</jats:p>